Scientific Process

From the part of the scientist, changing one variable in an equation is a logical, reasonable way of deducing an answer. My analytical mind totally understands this.

My human parts, the ones that are frustrated and scared and confused, wonder why this process is so slow and tedious and if there are viable alternatives.

When I started having these symptoms in February, the first doctor I went to suggested we rule out heart issues first. If that produced nothing, we'd look at neurological issues.

After yesterday's test, I can comfortably say there is nothing wrong with my heart.

I'm not sure what to think about this news.

I mean, I'm grateful to have a fully functioning heart. Very grateful.

I'm happy to know what the problem isn't.

But what the heck does that mean?

Like many people in their early twenties, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I used to joke that I was figuring out what I wanted to do by figuring out what I didn't want to do. I quickly realized that this was a very slow way to get nowhere.

I feel this whole experience is a bit like that philosophy. Isn't there a faster way to figure this out?

I feel like Frustrated Dwarf. 

Oh, wait. Maybe that was all the dwarfs when Snow White wouldn't give them the time of day.

I did learn something very valuable yesterday: the importance of being one's own advocate: I asked what my next steps should be while I was at the clinic yesterday. The nurses starred at me blankly.

The hospital staff does not live with my problem.

They don't feel the daily frustrations I do.

It's not that they don't care; it's that they have a zillion other things. 

This whole experience has been frustrating and exhausting and I'm thinking of finding someone to advocate for me because I'm sure I'm missing something. 

And frankly? I'm tired.

And I'm tired of being tired.

So I'm gonna call the doctor.