A little background:
For the record, I am large. I mean, in the middle. 49" to be exact. Which is almost double my waist pre-pregnancy, but I digress...
I went out in public today, so maybe I was asking for it...
"It" being the commentary from the peanut gallery.
Between the stares, there are comments like these:
Woman on Patio, eating lunch: Are you having twins? No? Oh, Lawd, chille! Dat baby's gonna be too big to come out!
Me: eye daggers.
Woman working at Ikea: You're pregnant?! But you're so big!
Me: What? I can't be big AND pregnant? Or, I dunno... Pregnancy is The Reason for my gigantosaurus belly!? Ugh.
Woman in grocery parking lot: Oh. My. Gawd. You have a litter in there?
Me: Yes. I want to put Octomom to shame. So I opted for 11.
Woman at Target: Oh, I know you have got to be ready to pop! I can't imagine ever being that big! In fact, I was much smaller when I had mine... Blah, blah, blah....
Me: Eff you.
No, I did not actually make these replies, but I secretly really wanted to. And, yes, these are actual comments that I heard today.
What the crap is wrong with people?!
Let's take a look at some Things Acceptable to Say to a Pregnant Woman:
You look fantastic! (Lying is acceptable/ preferred here. Particularly if she looks like a land manatee.)
I wish you a happy birthing.
I hope your baby is healthy.
I hope you're not too uncomfortable. (Warning: This only works when in established conversation. If you say it at start of conversation, there will be no convo as you've just suggested preggers lady looks uncomfortable. Fail.)
I bought you a massage/ pedicure/ glass of wine. (You may be adored forever for this one. At the very least, you will not be forgotten. Which is major, considering pregnant ladies have no memory.)
You're going to be the best mom!
That is one lucky kid.
That's not so hard, right? There are other things one could say that do not involve making a future mama want to throat punch the speaker. But seriously, if you can't think of one, don't speak.
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