water buffalo

I'm too busy hurting to even bother complaining.

(Now that's just sad.)

Alls I've got is 

Handstands on the TRX.

That's right.

A feat of coordination like none other.

(And you've got to know I have NO coordination- that's why I run, remember?!)

And there were push-ups. 

In a handstand.

The thing with TRX is that it makes me feel like a kid on a playground.

It doesn't help that we actually do it on a playground.

It's maybe the only reason I think I can do any of it at all.

When I was a kid, my half brother would come visit for the summer and one of the things I remember most about those trips is how he used to do push-ups in a handstand, leaning on the door.

I very clearly remember thing that there was 

NO WAY IN HELL I'd ever do one.

And then today I found myself upside down, arms shaking, my face getting closer to the ground. 

The first one was definitely the best. After that, I think I went down maybe about two inches before collapsing.

Coach Awesome made it look so damn easy! 

After I fell over for the third time post push-up, I saw the other boot campers hanging out... on their hands... making it look easy.

I want it to feel that easy.

Instead, I am a water buffalo. Out of water.

No, not like this.

More like this.

On that note, I should call my brother and tell him I did a push up like him.

Not that I'm saying he's a water buffalo, too!

In fact, I think I will call him.

As soon I can get my arms to work.

Dear 5am,

Dear 5 am,

So sorry I missed you!
I was very busy tasting ice cream samples and did not realize you had arrived.
Or that you left just as quickly.

I plan on seeing you tomorrow, though!

xoxo

I overslept.

By 2 hours.

And it was delicious!

Yes, delicious.

Morelli's chocolate ice cream with peanut butter and fudge delicious.
Salted caramel goodness.
Classic cool mint chocolate chip awesomeness.
Coffee with toffee sweetness.

I dream about food, evidently. And last night, it was ice cream.

My dream was so vivid I went to check the freezer and trash can for cartons.

Then I realized that would involve getting up.

All of this basically means I completely missed working out today.
Except that I decided to go for a run so my body wouldn't hate me for not torturing it.

And to work off my dream ice cream spree.

What is this world coming to?! Hate self for self-torture/ hate self for not?

There is no winning.

By the time I had my shoes on, I forgot all about the dream ice cream (which I totally almost called "dream cream") and proceeded to run faster than I probably otherwise would have, thanks to a running partner. Er, I tried to catch up to/ keep up with.

But running faster is supposed to make me faster, right?

I hope so! My 5K time is getting faster!

(Don't hold your breath, people. It's not fast- fast. Just fast-er.)
And I still got my butt kicked.
And I am still sore from last week.
(How??)

Dear 5am,
So, for really-reals, I will see you tomorrow.
Unless, of course, I am held up by curry, kimchi, or squash recipes.
Or ice cream.
xo

What counts as too stupid?

So for whatever reason, my body kindly decided that 3am was the appropriate time to wake up this morning. 

Yeah.

THREE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING.

Balls.

Who needs sleep?

I was awake from 3 to 10 till 5, when I finally fell asleep.

Finally.

Only I was supposed to be up at 5.

To run. 

Nine miles.

Uh-hunh.

Running buddy #1is all, "hey, you coming, or what?"

Niiiice. I hate being late.

(Thanks, Mom, now I'm neurotic. But that is a story for another day...)

Anyhoo, when we finally made it to our meeting spot, we decided that 9 miles would be down- graded to 6 so that M (a girl so sweet I would have to pinch myself to prove she's real- save for that wicked streak of sarcasm) could get to work on time.

Four of us headed out into the darkness, running together for the first time. 

Actually, it was just my first time. The others have known each other for a minute. 

Within a mile, we were joking and laughing. 

Yay! Fun running! Please don't let me do/ say anything too stupid!

We turned down one street and could hear the train. When we could see the train, it was barely moving.

And then it stopped.

Right in the middle of the intersection.

J: "We could jump it."

M: Uh, no."

Me: "Well, it's not going anywhere."

Two turned around.

"Let's go!"

And with that, I was over the train.

The others quickly joined me.

I've always wanted to jump a train.

Winning!

Um, what was that I said about not doing anything too stupid?

Yo' Mama

Sometimes writing this blog is like a never ending yo' mama joke:

Today's workout was so hard....

blah, blah, blah...

Yeah. It's hard to be me, I know.

But the thing is, today's joke is really good!

Today's workout was so damn hard I fell asleep. 

On the floor.

In public.

Yeah. 

But before you go thinking I've developed some kind of narcolepsy overnight, hear me out.

Directly after this morning's test, I was in the library with some friends trying to regain my senses and kind of fell out of my chair/ dove onto the floor where I preceded to sleep.

For an hour.

I have stooped to new levels of low.

sigh.

Obviously, the joke's on me. 

I mean, who knew stepping up on a chair could be so bloody hard?

Anyhoo, if you need me, I'll be napping.

morning run

The early morning air is cool on my skin, yet I feel nothing but warmth and the rhythmic thud of my heart. Darkness erases my steps as I make my way through the familiar neighborhood. It has been months since I passed this way, and it may be months until I pass this way again. 

There are seven of us this morning. We move between laughter and silence, jostling for position in a jagged string. Mostly, it seems everyone is enjoying the stillness of the air.

My heartbeat fills my senses as my feet glide silently along uneven ground.

Uphill, downhill, front to back, I run.

I try not to think of the things that keep me awake at night, or of the mountain of work awaiting me. 

I am happy that I finally get to join the others; I've been missing Tuesday and Wednesday morning workouts because of needing to be at the hospital so early.

But that rotation is over.

So now, at least for today, I am able to run.

I press on, faster. 

My heartbeat is lodged in my ears, a constant reminder of living.

The darkness makes no sign of lifting. 

I can see that fall already has an early grasp on the park and the tell-tale signs of colored leaves and cooler weather is more than an empty promise.

For a moment, I long for the smell of decaying leaves.

Then I remember what comes after fall.

I do another front to back

(because I like repeating myself)

and am grateful that I do not have to change my pace.

This morning's run is calm. 

At least, it is on the outside.

My insides are screaming and I fear that everything will fall apart if I stop.

I press onward in a vain effort to outrun my insides. 

Crazytown only looks nice from far away...

Whatever it was that I said about being fast...

I lied. 

A lot.

Circle of Death made me feel I was circling the drain this morning! 

Or was it the total lack of sleep?

Either way: Barf Central.

I think I may add running in circles to jumping on the list of things I don't do.

You see that? I just did it. It's on there.

Sorry I've been a slacker this week with posting. Monday took off without me, Tuesday and Wednesday I was in the hospital, and today I am deadsville. 

Some fun I am!

FTR: I'm not sick in the hospital, I'm doing clinical rotations. 

On a psych ward.

A locked psych ward.

Crazytown only looks nice from far away.

I promise I felt like admitting myself more than once these last few weeks.

I fit right in.

Especially after saying I ran around like a chicken with no head this morning.

I once worked with a guy that swore up and down he had a chicken that he cut the head off of and fed grain to by putting it down it's... throat? What do you call that? (Kinda like that obscure news story, only this chicken didn't last as long). He said it was really hard to catch...

I digress.
5 stations, a zillion forms of pain. Running all kinds of crazy in between.

So that's what I've got.
No circles and a room full of crazies.
How 'bout you?

What is happening?!?!

Ok, all you fast people. 

I'm gonna need you to come back to boot camp now, mmmkay?

Because there is NO WAY that I am the fastest person here.

NO. WAY.

So please come back because this is just weird.

Yeah. That just happened. 

Even the fast people that usually smoke me were off their game Monday.

I don't get it. 

I'd like to say something halfway witty, but...

I've got nothing. 

I'm just confused.

So I'll leave you with an opportunity to live vicariously thanks to a longtime family friend, Perry Julien.