Crazytown only looks nice from far away...

Whatever it was that I said about being fast...

I lied. 

A lot.

Circle of Death made me feel I was circling the drain this morning! 

Or was it the total lack of sleep?

Either way: Barf Central.

I think I may add running in circles to jumping on the list of things I don't do.

You see that? I just did it. It's on there.

Sorry I've been a slacker this week with posting. Monday took off without me, Tuesday and Wednesday I was in the hospital, and today I am deadsville. 

Some fun I am!

FTR: I'm not sick in the hospital, I'm doing clinical rotations. 

On a psych ward.

A locked psych ward.

Crazytown only looks nice from far away.

I promise I felt like admitting myself more than once these last few weeks.

I fit right in.

Especially after saying I ran around like a chicken with no head this morning.

I once worked with a guy that swore up and down he had a chicken that he cut the head off of and fed grain to by putting it down it's... throat? What do you call that? (Kinda like that obscure news story, only this chicken didn't last as long). He said it was really hard to catch...

I digress.
5 stations, a zillion forms of pain. Running all kinds of crazy in between.

So that's what I've got.
No circles and a room full of crazies.
How 'bout you?

What is happening?!?!

Ok, all you fast people. 

I'm gonna need you to come back to boot camp now, mmmkay?

Because there is NO WAY that I am the fastest person here.

NO. WAY.

So please come back because this is just weird.

Yeah. That just happened. 

Even the fast people that usually smoke me were off their game Monday.

I don't get it. 

I'd like to say something halfway witty, but...

I've got nothing. 

I'm just confused.

So I'll leave you with an opportunity to live vicariously thanks to a longtime family friend, Perry Julien.

There are mornings

There are mornings and there are mornings.

Today was one of them.

Again.

Only this morning as 12 of us stood bleary eyed on the sidewalk counting the instructors

time out.

 (this counting instructors thing is a game we like to play. (what can I say? it's the little things.) 

in this game we play when we see a lot of instructors, we assign an instructor to a boot camper. 

today we realized that three of us would have to share. we're cool with that.)

time in

and wondering what sort of medieval torture they had in store for us today (because it was not TRX. (sad face, I know!)), I began to think about what an amazing support system our instructors are. 

This support system became more important as we learned about the workout. Can I just say that there is NO WAY I could have done half of what I did today without their support?

I mean, how does one make running between cones interesting the fifteenth time?

They challenge me- all of us- with every step.

Coach Silly Fast, Coach Socks, Coach Closet Sadist, Coach Where does that speed come from and how can I get it, Coach Cheerleader, Coach I know how to push you to the edge of breaking... 

You guys are fan-freaking-tastic.

You kicked my ass. 

Again.

And mother heifer! 

I totes almost forgot! (Actually, I'd really like to forget!)

I was reminded of why I like running this morning.

Agility drills.

That shit was just funny. 

We know jumping is not exactly my strong point. 

Hippopotami (or hippopotamuses, take your pick) don't jump. 

Seriously, they don't.

So why the hell ya wanna make me jump through hoops (literally)? 

Dyyying over here!

20 steps on a ladder (on the ground, not up). Repeat

20 double steps on a ladder. Repeat

20 sideways grapevine-esuqe steps on a ladder. Repeat

Repeat all of these some more.

Hop through hoops.

Win award for being most un-coordinated.

Ummmmm.... yeah.

That effing ladder was like the penultimate in ADHD torture- and waaay too early in the morning.

I'm searching for the rhythm, I find it, and... 

Oh, look at that! 

Shiny! 

What the hell? 

Toe pick! 

I find the rhythm... 

Oh look! The ladder has a pattern!

What the ef?!

What are my arms doing?

Faster arms?

Toe pick!

Oh, crap! There's someone behind me.

Gotta go...

I find the rhythm...

Hey! I think I see a...

Toe pick!

Umph!

How in hell did the guys not burst out laughing?

And that is why I run.

It's all I can handle.

Now, if I could find some people to run right beside me through life and keep me as  focused and encouraged as the coaches this morning...

I might make it through the rest of today.

chill out

So somebody spent a good fifteen minutes Wednesday telling me about how badly they hurt and how nothing could possibly help ease their pain.

And they weren't wiling to quit running. 

I told them about 

this.

And then I laughed maniacally.

Because that shit hurts.

And by hurts, I mean that I cramped up in about 40 seconds and couldn't stop shaking for a good 30 minutes afterwards. 

Sounds like fun, hunh?!

Smiling dudes in the tub. See? Fun. 

Articles on ice baths always make me think it should look like this:

hat, reading material, hot beverage... good times!

But really, it looks more like this:

(Did she just let out a Nancy Kerrigan "Why me?!!?!")

I'm thinking about doing it now. 

Because I am not about to quit running.


And this morning's workout? 
It was running. Lots of running.
Running from the house I am housesitting at to camp, running around the park at various speeds, running.


Aaaand my body hates me.
(Puh-leaase. What else is new?)




Also, Cabbagetown Romp and Stomp registration is open. 
Go here to register.

Announcement

If I were to take a moment and be honest, I'd say that there is a  big shit storm in my life right now. 

Possibly, dare I say, a douchepocalypse?

As my world turns upside down, and I am left wondering what my next moves will be, (while still trying to maintain some form of focus on the ridiculously challenging classes I'm taking- silly nursing school!), I decided that I should exercise more. 

Exercise more as in, I went to a TRX class at The Studio. 

"What's that?" you ask. 

Oh, did I forget to mention that boot camp membership comes with access to the Studio at Brookhaven?!

Well, crap.

Announcement:

Boot camp membership comes with access to  Brookhaven Fitness Studio. 

So basically, it's a gym membership with the addition of outside classes/ personal training. And since I hate gyms, this totally works.

So anyway, I broke down and went to a TRX class yesterday.

Whoa. Back up. Hold the phone.

So over the last couple of months, I've gone from being one of the slowest people in camp to one of the faster ones 

(I KNOW... WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!?!). 

My weight has stayed the same, but the way my clothes fit has definitely changed. I can definitely do a push-up. I am not all fluff and muffin-y around the waist. I can get through most workouts without thinking I am definitely going to die.

At least, I could until this morning. 

The TRX class yesterday was awesome. And I loved it. 

I did not love trying to do sit-ups or hold a plank position for push-ups this morning. 

My body hates me.

Like, first three weeks of boot camp hates me.

Thank you, Coach Awesome; I'm dying.

And Coach I- Want-to-Make-Your-Workout-Harder-'Cause- I'm-Sadistic-Like-That, uphill sit- ups are SO not my friend. 

Thanks for holding my feet.

Hippopotamus-ified

Y'all, it feels like it has been for-ev-or since I've been here.

I went on a running date. And it was awesome.

I went on a trail run. And it sucked. 

What the what?! 

I know. I didn't think it was possible either.

Evidently my foot wasn't happy after/ about the Superman that I took a week ago. Whatevs.

Another session of boot camp started.

And yours truly missed it.

'Cause I was on the psych ward at my local hospital.

I admit, it's just fun to say.

Clinicals start too darn early this rotation to make it to bc every day. Which is destroying me. How am I supposed to become un-hippopotamus- ified if I am expected to do this alone?

So now that it's Thursday...

I finally got to go to get my early exercise on.

And do you know what happened? 

I totally forgot about everything outside of the delicious fartlek exercises.

(Hee-heee. Kate said fartlek.)

Thank you exercise for taking my mind off my life!

My muscles burned with an inner fire. My legs were doing that Parkinsonian tremor thing after a minute of air chair/ wall sit/ fuck my thighs are burning/ whatever torture you want to call this exercise. And running up hills? Backwards? You have got to be kidding me. Wait. You want me to do what? Again?!

It went on like this all morning.

And I still feel like a hippopotamus.

Jogging Partner

Originally Posted: Thu, 26 May 21:09 CDT

Jogging Partner

---

Date: 2011-05-26, 9:09PM CDT

---

I am looking for a person of athletic build to help me get in shape.
I hate exercising with passion so the plan of action is this: I ingest Rohypnol [you supply the roofies as I don't know where to purchase them] and you strap my body to yours [limbs to limbs using velcro] and take me along on a jog. Three nights a week. If you're capable and interested, E-mail me so that we can discuss the fee.

• Location: Des Moines, IA
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 2405055624

---

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Yes, please. 

Though I could prolly do without the roofies.

Doing without the running buddy part is hard &  me no likey.

So I'm going on a run with a girl tomorrow and it's hard to not think of it as a date. 

A running buddy date. 

(No pressure, new buddy!) 

Do we run close to the same pace? 

Does one of us jabber on so much that the other wants to accidentally trip the other on purpose? 

Do we tell just the right amount of stories and laugh until tears stream down our cheeks? 

I wonder all of these things.

... Is it possible to be nervous about this? What happened to cool and collected? 

(OK, so cool has never happened. I'll take calm, though.)

Also, which of us is bringing the velcro? I may need some help dragging my sorry butt out of bed...

For more hilarity, please see Best of Craigslist. It will make you laugh.

Dude, you killed Kevin

Mother heifer.

Today I faced a Kobayashi Maru. 

If you are a Star Trek fan you know this term. 

(Secret: I am not. Not like that. Anyhoo...)

Kobayashi Maru: An impossible test. A test with no right answer, and no winning. But there is lots of thinking. 

I am halfway through nursing school. I'm working on a psychiatric floor for six more weeks, then I'll go to a med-surg floor.

In order to prepare me for med-surg, and a zillion other scenarios, the professors put together a simulation with Kevin, our ridiculously expensive dummy who will vomit on you, shit his pants, talk back... 

Working with two students I didn't know, I went into Kevin's room. In this scenario, Kevin had stage four colon cancer (he will die soon.) and was listed as DNR. He slept through the night, but now was awake, and in pain. We introduced ourselves, did an assessment of his vital signs and pain level. Directly after that, his oxygen levels dropped to 80% (normal is 99-100%, we give a person oxygen at 92%).

Nothing we did could get his oxygen level to stay up. His pulse, respirations, and blood pressure were everywhere. Changing masks, elevating the head of the bed, calling the doc for more meds and O2... none of it mattered. 

Kevin died within ten minutes of us entering his room. And there was nothing we could do about it. (Mother fucking DNR. Hunh- I had no feelings about a DNR until just now.)

Anyhow, the whole thing was designed to see how we reacted. What did we try to do when we saw things going downhill? At what point did we switch to palliative care? 

After Kevin "died", I felt like crying. Yes, he had stage iv colon cancer and was in a lot of pain. Yes he was programmed to die within ten minutes. Yes, he was a dummy. 

But he was also a patient in my care. 

I know that the lessons learned today will serve me well through my nursing career. 

But this doesn't mean I like them.

My momma calls these moments FGOs or 

Fucking Growth Opportunities.

My mom doesn't curse much, so you know when she does it's best to pay attention.

(Unlike me, who could make a pirate blush.)

Typically with me FGOs involve a lot of cursing (the shock, I'm sure. but cursing is a stress release.) and the urge to throw something (though this hasn't actually happened.) as I run around feeling like my chest is going to explode. Unlike the situations we put ourselves in where we know something amazing will happen (going to college is a really big one), FGOs are unexplained, and usually uninvited. 

Today's FGO made clear how I handle stress. 

#1: Talk it out.

#2. Exercise.

#3. Drink. 

#4. Cry.

It is so hot I fear my shoes will melt if I run now...

Tomorrow's workout will be mine!

Muahahahahahaha!

Pretend workouts

TRX rocks my world. 

I think I (finally!) get this business of flexing the core muscles to make the exercises easier. 

(Now that there is something that actually flexes!!)

Today we combined TRX moves, medicine ball (up and overhead), and jump rope. 

Well, after spending a few minutes getting tangled in the jump rope, I gave up and just jumped. 

I can pretend jump rope really well!

In fact, I may switch to pretend exercises from now on.

Today we graduated to (drum roll, please!) TRX burpees.

This is what they look like.

Well, sort of what they look like.

Mine weren't quite like that. 

There was no jumping on my hands. (Nor do I think there ever will be!)

There were, however, push ups with both feet off the ground. 

And my face did not hit the ground!

This is Major.

Especially after getting tangled in the evil jump rope.

Also, please know that medicine ball walk- overs are ridonkulous.

Think: I'm gonna do a push up position, then put one hand on the medicine ball, then the other, then one hand off, then the other; moving to one side to the middle, then the other. I should note that the balls are wee. Like shot put size (a little bigger than a softball). And they wiggle.

They bloody, effing wiggle.

My body hates me.

We went to get coffee after bc, and our hands were shaking. We had a contest. Hi, I Run Barefoot tied with Glitter for shakiest hands. My quads and biceps might win now. 

When I do my pretend workout, I will totally take them and their "oh, I'm so sore I'm shaking" selves. 

You'll see.

ooooh!

Tomorrow is college colors day!

Come out and support your school! It's free, it's fun, and you can show your school spirit!

See you tomorrow at 5:30 on the corner of Argonne and 10th!