Dude, you killed Kevin

Mother heifer.

Today I faced a Kobayashi Maru. 

If you are a Star Trek fan you know this term. 

(Secret: I am not. Not like that. Anyhoo...)

Kobayashi Maru: An impossible test. A test with no right answer, and no winning. But there is lots of thinking. 

I am halfway through nursing school. I'm working on a psychiatric floor for six more weeks, then I'll go to a med-surg floor.

In order to prepare me for med-surg, and a zillion other scenarios, the professors put together a simulation with Kevin, our ridiculously expensive dummy who will vomit on you, shit his pants, talk back... 

Working with two students I didn't know, I went into Kevin's room. In this scenario, Kevin had stage four colon cancer (he will die soon.) and was listed as DNR. He slept through the night, but now was awake, and in pain. We introduced ourselves, did an assessment of his vital signs and pain level. Directly after that, his oxygen levels dropped to 80% (normal is 99-100%, we give a person oxygen at 92%).

Nothing we did could get his oxygen level to stay up. His pulse, respirations, and blood pressure were everywhere. Changing masks, elevating the head of the bed, calling the doc for more meds and O2... none of it mattered. 

Kevin died within ten minutes of us entering his room. And there was nothing we could do about it. (Mother fucking DNR. Hunh- I had no feelings about a DNR until just now.)

Anyhow, the whole thing was designed to see how we reacted. What did we try to do when we saw things going downhill? At what point did we switch to palliative care? 

After Kevin "died", I felt like crying. Yes, he had stage iv colon cancer and was in a lot of pain. Yes he was programmed to die within ten minutes. Yes, he was a dummy. 

But he was also a patient in my care. 

I know that the lessons learned today will serve me well through my nursing career. 

But this doesn't mean I like them.

My momma calls these moments FGOs or 

Fucking Growth Opportunities.

My mom doesn't curse much, so you know when she does it's best to pay attention.

(Unlike me, who could make a pirate blush.)

Typically with me FGOs involve a lot of cursing (the shock, I'm sure. but cursing is a stress release.) and the urge to throw something (though this hasn't actually happened.) as I run around feeling like my chest is going to explode. Unlike the situations we put ourselves in where we know something amazing will happen (going to college is a really big one), FGOs are unexplained, and usually uninvited. 

Today's FGO made clear how I handle stress. 

#1: Talk it out.

#2. Exercise.

#3. Drink. 

#4. Cry.

It is so hot I fear my shoes will melt if I run now...

Tomorrow's workout will be mine!

Muahahahahahaha!